The Mind

"The mind is its own place, and in itself, can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven."

- John Milton

Something should change after today (I'm not saying it must, but it would be sad if nothing did change). It's not like today was special or anything. But a combination of things made it decidedly different. Let's see what those things were.

I had two exams today. Both the papers were unexpected (the first went unexpectedly bad, the second unexpectedly good). This has wreaked havoc on my mind since the morning. One category of people will say, "Look at that nerd, allowing petty exams to play with his mind like that". If that sounds like you, you probably won't understand this post, so I'll save you some time and suggest you go do something more productive.

Next, I got an email today from Amazon saying I've been short-listed for a phone interview, along with 10 other candidates. This is in regards to a summer internship, by the way. I need to explain the situation more. My last exam's on the morning of Wednesday, the 28th, and on that very day I'm hoping to catch a train home for a 10-day-long break (which I'm badly in need of). But get this: Tuesday, the 27th, might potentially be the day I've to give the Amazon interview, which means I might have to cancel that dear ticket in case the selection process takes more than a day (which it probably will), which means bye-bye home. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do. I guess I'll wait until the interview date comes out for sure. With any luck, the whole thing will get delayed to until after the 10-day break. Still, it's no less troubling.

Another thing is, I also interviewed with Google (which is where I'd want to intern, given a completely free choice) a few weeks ago, but didn't make it. Since then, the notion that I'm somehow inferior has been pricking me at the back of my head. I know this isn't true, but I have doubts now. I don't know if acknowledging it this way is good for my psyche, but it's liberating. Also, isn't acknowledging the existence of a problem the first step towards solving it?

Ok, now for a little background. I think JEE was the intellectual high in my life. Since then, over the past two years, my mind's been rusting away, bit by little bit. I still "learn", but I've stopped "thinking". Now I only "get" stuff if it's spoon fed to me, broken down to the level of trivial obviousness. My mind loathes thinking. It moves slower than a glacier. I'd been suspecting this since some time now, but only today can I honestly, totally accept it. After those 2 exams, my internship situation, a little contemplation and some help from a friend. And that scares the life out of me.

I treasure my mind, and if you take that away, nothing remains. My mind is my life. The "outside" world is irrelevant; what matters is what's inside of me, and it's easy to forget that in the din of the "extrovert" crowd today. I'm probably a "forced part-extrovert", meaning that I used to be an introvert before life tossed me into IIT with a bunch of amazing people. Even now I prefer communicating in writing rather than a face-to-face talk, which is also why I prefer an online chat to a phone call. I'm an aspiring computer programmer, so this issue is very relevant here.

Coming back to the topic, what I want is to get back into that state of the mind. I want to enjoy thinking again (it's not like I don't enjoy thinking now, but for some reason, my mind totally revolts if I try to force it, unless there's an emergency, like an exam). If that is to happen, I must examine the causes of this degradation, and try to revert their effects. I have some possible reasons in mind:

1. IIT has made me too complacent / egotistical / lazy. Even though I act all humble, I really believe I have a big ego. Placing 361st out of 3.85 lakh candidates does that to you (see what I did there?). The complacence is a direct product of the ego and the laziness. Then again, I'm not sure if one can be a good programmer without that ego. After all, you like creating things only if they satisfy your ego, so as to keep you going at it, again and again.

2. It's easy to get lost in the micro-battles in life on this campus, every day. Assignments, tests, classes, internships, you name it. It's completely overwhelming. Pretty straight-forward compared to the next one — which you may not be able to appreciate due to its technicality, but it affects me somewhat so I'll put it down anyway.

3. Being in the "Department of Computer Science & Engineering" doesn't help. I put that name in quotes because that's not really what I want to do in regards to work. I want to be a good programmer, as opposed to being a computer "scientist" (who's more on the research side) or a computer "engineer" (more of the enterprise-y type, codes in Java and cites "industry best practice" at every opportunity). I just want to create good things that people can use and appreciate. If you find that to be a naive aim, you might be right, help yourself. But I'm too young to have a broader goal for now, and I know there's much to learn. On the other hand, if you're wondering where all this wisdom comes from, it's from Hackers & Painters by Paul Graham. One sentence from that book summarizes this point succinctly:

"Universities and research labs force hackers to be scientists, and companies force them to be engineers."

(here, me = "hacker" = "programmer"). Basically the only good place for people like me is in tech startups, or in big companies with a relatively larger percentage of "hackers" and less office politics, like Google. Since I'm caught up in "science" and "engineering", it's an obstacle in my path.

So which is it? It's a stinky combination of them all, I think. #1 is particularly sneaky. It's got a kind of "recursive evilness" to it, as more technically-minded readers would understand. #2 is more immediately obvious. #3 is something I can't really explain any better than I already have.

The solution? It's as simple as ever: to start forcing my mind into uncomfortable situations, so it gets a kick in the ass to whirr and grind away when I want it to. That's the result of this long-winded discussion. But it's easier said than done; I'll have to actively, consciously, think of this and implement it, every day.

The very fact that I've written this long post is evidence of how much I wish this to happen.

Something should change, don't you think?

Limited Edition Human

See something?

Take a look at the picture above. You probably see a '49' in there. I see an ordinary piece of paper! Another one:

Which one's the mango milkshake?

Which one's the mango milkshake? That was the question I asked a friend a few months ago in IIT Kharagpur's Veggie's Restaurant. He was so amused by it that he whipped out his phone and took the above picture. So are you, I bet. In fact, even I’m amused.

I'm colourblind. Specifically, I'm deuteranomalous (or deuteranopic, not sure), which is the commonest red-green colour blindness. And I was surprised to know so are 6% of men in the world, which means that, (statistically) I almost certainly know a few people who don't even know they have it.

Let's back up to when I was in class 7. At the time, I didn't know about it, so I thought that the brown cupboard which I saw as green must be my own half-wittedness at work. Going back further, I also remember that I had put labels on all my crayons because I couldn't tell which was which.

Truer than the word of God.

It's amusing to see people's reactions when they discover I can't tell the difference between red and green. Most of them, after a few seconds of open-mouthedness, start pointing at random things and asking me their colours. And boy, do they enjoy seeing me fumble and guess!

I like to think of my disorder as a superpower, though. I'm a "limited edition human", if you will. After all, I get to see the world in a way not seen by others. Oh, and there are perks too. Like this one:

It's not totally pathetic.

Kidding. I get the chemistry teacher to help me out with the titration and salt analysis, which means I'm pretty much guaranteed good marks. And I get to be looked at with awe when people first find out. And I have an excuse to my sisters' frequent questions on which colour looks better. And Wikipedia says I can probably spot camouflage colours that are likely to confuse ordinary mortals (not that that's ever going to matter to me).

I'll end with some "FAQs":

Q. Can't you just learn all these colours?

A. It's hereditary, so I can't do anything about it. And you're talking like my mom.

Q. Can you drive properly, considering you might think a red traffic signal to be green and jump it?

A. Yes, I can. As a matter of fact, I can perfectly see the red and green colours in a traffic signal.

Q. So you can't see only some shades of red and green?

A. That's right. I sometimes confuse shades of other colours too, like dark green-black and pink-gray.

Q. What colour is the background of your blog?

A. You're crossing a line called decency. Scoot before I strangle you, mate.

Straight from the Heart

I'm an IITian. It's been two years now, infact. A direct result of cracking one of the toughest exams on the planet is that most of us quickly lose what (little) humility we may have once possessed, and end up developing inflated egos. We sure love it when people shower us with praises.

Before I joined IIT Kharagpur, I was not very worldly-wise. I was no better (or, perhaps, no worse) than a small kid with little knowledge of the mystic mechanisms that drive the cosmos. A kid whose mind constantly seeked ways to maneuver the baffling, busy streets of life. I figured, the best thing was to keep doing what my elders told me. And so I kept faith.

At that time, I had this grand image about the IITs. I had thought this would be a place with good students out to conquer the world with their brilliance. Students who would work with diligence towards their chosen goals. Students who would be taught the rocket science equivalents of their fields by smart professors with inch-thick spectacles. I could not have been more wrong, could I? Now that I'm here, I can't believe I used to be so naïve.

Things here are very different. We don't study at all (except when, um, the situation calls for it). We play around and have fun and watch movies all day long. We lie. We're far from being the "perfect" students I'd envisaged.

And still, we do good things. We bond with each other. We help each other out in times of need. We share joy and sadness. We think, innovate, create. We learn cool new stuff. We work towards our future visions, ones that drive each one of us, deep down. We realize that we always have a choice.

So I've changed. I've become more responsible and caring now. I have a great set of friends, and the best family in the world, and I realize how very important they all are to me. Isn't that really what anyone would want out of life? I believe the answer is a yes. I believe I've changed for the better, not for the worse.

And still, I wonder. Perhaps that is how growing up is.

P. S. : I decided I wanted to do something different this time around and not think much, so this post is little more than an amorphous heap of raw thoughts. But I like it much better this way - it comes freshly baked, straight from the heart, unadulterated.

Also, no mention of my good life here can go without a bow to my great teachers and friends at Bakliwal Tutorials, especially Mr. Vaibhav Bakliwal.

The Right to Oblivion

Recently, I came across this blog post that talked about a very interesting on-going debate related to online privacy, the conclusion of which could have far reaching consequences for many Internet users: the "right to be forgotten". And the author of the post is none other than Google's Global Privacy Counsel, Peter Fleischer.

It originated, as I see it, from the European Commission's proposal for inclusion of the Right to Oblivion (or "le Droit a l'Oubli", as it is known in French) in the next revision of the E-Privacy Directive, which is the European Union's attempt towards data protection and privacy online. For most of us, says Mr. Fleischer, this right basically means the power to "wash away digital muck" from our online lives.

Just think about what this could mean to you. It could mean the right to delete that humiliating photo/video of yours that someone posted against your will on Facebook before a thousand people "Like" it. It could mean people being able to make the Internet "forget" about their awful or stupid deeds. It could mean people being in truly complete control of their online lives. It could mean that we would be able to start anew, as we wish. It could mean a zillion other dizzying things.

There's always the flip side to consider, though. People could abuse this "right" if it isn't properly formulated and stated. They could tailor their online lives to show themselves in a favourable light wherever possible.

This begs the question: Should Internet users be allowed to just "erase" certain painful memories from their past, as though they never occurred in the first place? The answer to this question is a resounding NO, because that would mean that you could, in theory, dupe the Internet into thinking that you're the holiest person the world ever saw. I think this point does rather rubbish the claims of people who might support the right to oblivion, and effectively so. The past should not simply be forgotten, and it should definitely not be altered on the whims of certain people.

But I'm open to discussion. Let your arguments fly in the comments.

The Glitch

The Internet was taken by storm this past weekend with the news that 0.08% Gmail users had opened up their inboxes to find that all their emails had apparently gone up in thin air.

My point here is not to bore you with details of how users fretted on the Gmail Help Forum, how the screw up and subsequent recovery happened, or how tech sites had a field day picking apart Google's carrion and advising users to backup their email before it was gone for good.

My point here is to highlight our over-dependence on technology nowadays. Many of us have so much "important" stuff in the cloud that we can't imagine living without it or losing any of it. We practically live on the web these days, as I once told one of my equally geeky friends.

This applies not only to the web, but also to gadgets in general. But technology can also be dangerous, as we all know. Here's a classic example where technology shows its ugly side. It talks about how a couple from Nevada, USA blindly followed their GPS device's directions into a forest and were stranded there for 3 whole days.

And our reliance on technology is only increasing with time. That makes me wonder where we are headed. In the future, are we looking at a real Rise of the Machines? I mean, I'd hate to be under the control of a mere machine (though the scenario is interesting hypothetically, if nothing else).

I'm not against technology or anything like that. Hell, if anything, I'm one of its biggest fans ever.  I'm just wondering about what will happen after our dependence on machines becomes complete and absolute, because it cannot go on increasing indefinitely and must saturate sometime.

So, what are your views concerning this issue?

Pilot

First things first: This blog is not about Harry Potter, as you might think from the title and web address.

So, why did I create this blog? What's so different about it?

Nothing.

Like every other random blog on the Internet, this is the place where I will occasionally (or perhaps often) ramble about what little I have experienced in the wide, uncharted waters of this world. The place where I will sometimes express my crazy thoughts on topics ranging right from technology to philosophy. The safety valve for my confused mind. This blog is not only my way of telling my readers something, it's also a way to introspect and understand myself better.

You might ask, why did I name this blog "The Swirling Pensieve"? Partly because I think a blog is basically a pensieve of sorts where you can bring your thoughts out into the open and examine them; and partly because it makes for an intriguing name. Besides, I've always been a huge fan of J. K. Rowling's imaginary magical world. I've often wondered how it would be like if Hogwarts really existed (cool as hell, I say). But let's leave that discussion for another day and get this over with.